Stanley is a man of many worries and frustrations. Everything gets to him, but it doesn’t help that he bottles it all up inside. So, when Dwight takes it upon himself to start a fire test, consisting of a controlled fire and no immediate exits, it’s no surprise that Stanley drops from a heart attack.

“Barack is president! You are black, Stanley!”

Dwight’s punishment in all of this? His title as “Safety Man” is stripped after a laughable meeting at corporate. It’s revealed that if Stanley doesn’t learn how to deal with his stress, he’s going to die from it. As the new Safety Officer, Michael decides to have a CPR class in response to Stanley’s heart attack. Everything goes as expected in the office, including a song and dance. That is until Dwight decides to perform surgery on the dummy and wear its face. Again, chastised minimally at corporate.

Throughout the entire episode, Jim, Pam, and Andy are watching a pirated movie, starring Jack Black, about some creepy relationship between him and some great grandmother. It’s pretty gross. However, at the same time, Pam’s parents are separating. Jim and Pam speak in code to discuss things at work and in front of Andy, who thinks they’re talking about the movie and investigating it deeply and intensely.

Dwight gets back to the office and is forced to apologize and get everyone to sign the paper. Typical Dwight is horrible at admitting when he’s wrong, so everyone refuses. But this is Dwight, and he has his ways. He’ll get those signatures. In the meantime, Michael decides to hold a stress relief meeting, because that seems to be the biggest threat in his narrow vision. Unfortunately for Michael, he discovers that he’s actually the cause of everyone’s stress. In the vein of his funny bone, he decides to respond with a Roast, and he’ll be the Roastee. Michael has no idea what beast he is about to unleash.

He finds out soon enough, as the Roast becomes everything you’d expect. Everyone tears him down. Even Dwight. It’s completely unrelenting. Gradually, we see Michael’s spirit crushed, hitting it’s lowest point when Andy finishes the Roast with a song. Andy passes the torch to Michael, who is expected to thank everyone and turn the roasting on them. Instead, he gets choked up and creeps away, tail between his legs.

The next day, Michael doesn’t show up to work. He takes a “personnel” day in order to reflect on his life and feed the birds. Even though we’ve seen Michael broken and torn up before, he has a moment which makes me feel unbelievably sympathetic. He relates a story he frequently likes to think to himself in order to get perspective, about a spaceman who doesn’t care about the worlds and people of distant stars. But this spaceman can sympathize with Michael, because he has a powerful microscope and can see Michael’s face. A face that is obviously sad. Michael looks up and proclaims, “I’m okay!” Immediately he drops his head, pauses, and says, “No, I’m not.” Even though we and the characters of the office think Michael is a doofus and borderline retarded, and even though he asked to be roasted, watching him sitting there, belittled… he didn’t deserve that.

Earlier, Pam asked Jim to have a talk with her father and try to help him figure out his problems. After the talk, he decided he was going to divorce Pam’s mother. This put a strain on Pam and Jim’s relationship, as Jim was confused as to what he had done, and Pam was worried if what her father realized was the same thing Jim would ultimately come to in their relationship. So, Pam has a talk with her father in the parking lot as Jim wearily watches from inside the office. Pam hugs her father and departs. Jim meets her in the hallway and asks if it was his fault. It was. But in a good way.

“When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soul mates. My kids are going to be right about that.”

Michael finally gets into the office, and people try to apologize, but he’ll have none of that. Instead, he has some thoughts he’d like to share. He wrote them down.

“Jim, you’re 6′ 11″ and you weigh 90 lbs. Gumbi has a better body than you. Boom. Roasted. Dwight, you’re a kiss-ass. Boom. Roasted. Pam, you failed art school? Boom. Roasted. Meridith, you’ve slept with so many guys, you’re beginning to look like one. Boom. Roasted. Kevin, I can’t decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom. Roasted. Creed, your teeth called, your breathe stinks. Boom. Roasted. Angela. Where’s Angela? Oh there you are. I couldn’t see you behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex, and your heart sucks. Boom. Roasted. Oscar… haha… you’re gay! Andy, Cornell called. They think you suck. And you’re gayer than Oscar! Boom. Roasted.”

And he finishes his speech as if it were the night before. Like a pro and a true sport. This episode started out fantastically and held on all the way to the end. I don’t know if it was because they saved everything gold for after the Super Bowl, if it was the hour length, or if all the pieces just fit perfectly. I’ve heard people compare it to the energy of Season 2, and I’d say that’s pretty accurate. The directing and editing is fantastic in this episode. There’s amazing silliness and a great balance of drama interwoven. Definitely one of the best.

5 out of 5 Dwigt Foreheads