The great thing about titles for The Office, is that they’re pretty straight forward and encapsulate what the theme is all about. After Michael and Dwight simulate having a baby with a watermelon, this one becomes about a baby shower for Michael’s non-biological child. Now the strange thing is the “Golden Shower” is being held in the office, with everyone there, and during company time. What am I saying? In Michael’s world, that’s not strange at all.

In preparation, Phyllis proudly takes control in her fairly new role as Party Planner. She goes around the office, successfully collecting money from everyone. Stanley puts up a stink about pregnant women and how they’re no different than him and his swollen ankles and nipples. Taking a break from prep work, Phyllis gloats to the cameras about her newly found independence from Angela, which is quickly and ironically shot down as Michael comes and yells at her to get back to work.

Eventually, Jan shows up, but she isn’t alone. That’s right, she’s had the baby, and didn’t bother at all to tell Michael. It’s absolutely messed up and I’ve never wanted to punch her in her selfish face more than that moment. Michael was willing to give up part of his life for that child. Regardless if it was for the wrong reasons, it’s still pretty disrespectful to do that to a person. Especially Michael, considering how much he loves children and how good he is with them. To top it off, Jan won’t let Michael hold the baby. She gets uncomfortable with him even near the baby at all. It makes you wonder why she has agreed to any of the charade at all. What does she want from him? It can’t be money, because he already has problems with that.

At the shower, where everyone is unsurprisingly disappointed, because it sort of defeats the purposed of having one to begin with. They unwrap a gift for Jan, and it turns out to be a stroller. Unfortunately, it’s not even as good as the $1200 Orbit stroller she showed up with. Dwight is astounded at the price and takes it upon himself to disprove its worth by attempting to destroy it throughout the rest of the episode.

Throughout the show, Jim and Pam are having problems. Pam calls calls Jim to tell him an outrageous story that he just can’t understand in the slightest. Then, Jim later calls Pam about Jan’s crazy and uncomfortable singing during the baby shower. It’s depressing to see these two unable to connect, even more so than when Jim returned from the Stamford branch.

The shower doesn’t end well, as Jan starts to tell the birth story. Everyone is super uncomfortable and quite disgusted while eating their cake, so they start to leave. Michael tells them to stay, because this is the story of the birth that he should have been at. Jan finally caves and lets Michael hold Astird, while Jan takes a nap on the office couch.

Michael picks up the child, and we see him confused. He feels nothing for it. No happiness or joy, like he has countless times with other children. So he hands the child to Phyllis and makes his way to the warehouse for Darryl’s advice. Darryl knocks some sense into him and confirms the obvious. Michael feels nothing, because he’s not the father. He needs to stop kidding himself.

Back up top, Jan wakes up for her nap and has her very first encounter ever with Holly. Jan is curious where the baby is, and Holly cracks a couple jokes. Jan is not enthused. Soon after, Michael walks Jan to her van and still tries to hold onto the facade. Jan still strangely goes along with it, too. Then, she demands that he not date Holly. He’s confounded, because during the entire episode, he was “acting” mean to Holly (who started to take it quite personally), but he agrees anyway.

They depart and Michael returns upstairs. He goes to Holly and she asks him if he’s going to still be mean to her. Visibly broken, he gets closer and closer to her. Then he slowly hugs her. Really, really hugs her. And she hugs him back. It’s not uncomfortable or weird and Holly isn’t struggling to get away. In fact it’s the most intimate moment we’ve seen Michael in, in the entire series. I really felt sad for him, because now he must choose between Jan’s demand and his potential future with Holly. He chooses Holly, and as they separate (with eyes watering from both), he asks her out. She quietly accepts. Yay!

Ending the episode, Pam is on the phone, calling Jim, but getting his voice mail. Cutting back to Jim, he’s leaving the office and concurrently getting Pam’s voice mail. They are finally in sync. Doubling back and forth between the two, we see their (hopefully) unbreakable bond showcased at it’s finest. These two are meant to be together. Some may say that their story is becoming dull and too comfortable, but I think they are failing to see the proof of the contrary. PB and J are countlessly put to the test, and somehow they always bounce back. The formula may be serial in nature, much like a Golden Age comic book, but it doesn’t make it less interesting as we see these two change and grow together. Though, don’t worry cynics. I’m sure you’ll get your way soon enough, and the two will be ripped apart from each other seemingly permanently, only to come together in the end.

I loved this episode. It was strange and weird, awkward and sweet, funny and sad. And last but not least, subtly touching. 5 out of 5 Dwight Foreheads.