What if you found yourself placed on an island in the middle of nowhere and realized that you were there not to hunt, but to be HUNTED by the most dangerous game of all – the common Komodo lizard! And what if in addition to that, you were also hunted by a mosquito?

Oh, and did I mention? You were only 2 inches tall!

That, dear reader, was the premise for the senses shattering latest from the SciFi Channel, the tv movie called “KOMODO VS. MOSQUITO: MAN IN THE MIDDLE” starring TV’s Tony Danza as an escaped convict caught up in the battle to stay alive and get his sick daughter her medicine.

Read on for more!

The film begins with Tony Danza’s character, Tony Styles, in jail. In a flashback we see that he was a Secret Service Agent who failed to save the President’s daughter from the Wild Hyena Association of Terrorists. For that crime, he was sentenced to maximum security prison with no chance at parole. Styles is willing to do the time, but the problem is that he’s a single father, and his daughter, played by MANTICORE actress Amber Benson, needs her insulin medication. But without her father, she can’t afford the medicine.

General Nimitz, played by Oz and Spider-Man actor J.K. Simmons delivers a wonderful cameo when he offers Styles the chance to save his daughter’s life. If he agrees to an experimental Army program and survives, he is free to go and can give his ailing daughter the medicine she needs.

“I’ll do it,” growls Tony Styles. “But you better not screw me, Nimitz. I remember what happened in Beirut!” The backstory isn’t explained but offers tantalizing possibilities for a potential prequel in my mind.

Styles, in prison fatigues, is shoved by guards into a secret testing facility. It looks just like an empty airplane hanger, but the man in charge, Doctor Zarkon, explains that it’s his latest weapon and that if he can prove it works, he will gain a huge Department of Defense military contract. Zarkon is played by none other than Ron Palillo, best known as Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter and here exhibiting the range of a modern day Sir Laurence Olivier. Zarkon’s hanger is actually a shrinking machine, housed deep in the jungles of an island off the coast of Bolivia.

While my map shows no ocean touching Bolivia, a passing remark by a soldier of, “Man, is it ever HOT in here,” leads me to believe that this movie takes place in the near future and global warming has brought the ocean levels up against Bolivia’s Western border. It would also account for the amazing technology Zarkon has at his fingertips.

Zarkon and his machine shrink Tony Styles to a mere TWO INCHES. They tell him that if he can stay alive for 24 hours, he will grow back to normal size and be free to go. Zarkon then walks into a cave and kneels before a robed figure.

“You have done well, Zarkon. The Wild Hyenas are proud of you. Make sure that today, Styles DIES!”

Then some robed monks release “the angriest Komodo Dragon in all of South America”. Meanwhile, upstairs, a saboteur throws off her soldier outfit. It’s Bridget Wilson of MORTAL KOMBAT fame! “Ok, Resistance Fighters, let’s shut this thing down!” she orders. Several soldiers take off their gas masks and a huge martial arts fight breaks out between the Resistance and the Army. In all the chaos, the shrinking machine gets knocked into reverse for a second and slightly enlarges a mosquito.

The mosquito is done completely in CG and while it doesn’t quite seem to exist in the same world as the real life actors, I think I see why they did things that way. The CG mosquito flies for the exit but comedically crashes into a window and his eyes all cross. The mosquito falls outside and stumbles into the cave, finally arriving at the Wild Hyena altar. It drinks some wine from a cup marked “Blood” and changes color and gets angry.

Tony Styles is running through the jungle when he first sees the Komodo Dragon. It chases him but he cleverly hides out under a mushroom and when the Komodo Dragon nears it, Tony kicks it with all his might, sending dust spores in the air.

“Whatsa matter? You allergic to good food?” Tony wittily remarks. Then he makes the most of the confusion and dives into a small pond.

Back at the shrink machine, a soldier tells Bridget Wilson that they’re too late. They’ve already shrunk someone. “Can it be reversed?” she asks, but they say NO, it’s already used its reverse cycle once and it only works once.

“We need Zarkon!”

Tony Styles goes through a harrowing series of events including having to climb over a rake, befriending a wounded pigeon (who sacrifices himself to keep the Komodo Dragon at bay) and finally, he finds a second cave entrance. On the way, he makes the Komodo chase him and bite a priest. Styles then uses the Hyena priest’s phone to call his daughter and tells her to hang on.

Bridget Wilson and her team kill the Hyenas but Zarkon escapes. He is then bitten by the mosquito and shrinks! He grabs a shard of glass and goes after Styles, but is no match for the trained serviceman. Just as he is about to be killed, the Komodo and mosquito both arrive!

The scene then cuts to Wilson dropping off Tony Styles from her helicopter in New York.

“I don’t know how you defeated those monsters, but you sure did,” says Wilson.

“Sometimes payback is the only way out,” chuckles Styles.

Wilson says, “Forget something?” and tosses him some insulin with a wink. Tony laughs and holds it up. Credits.

Overall, I have to say that SciFi is getting better and better with their films!

4 out of 5 Komodos!

photo credit: Restless mind